Humor · Pregnancy

You Know You’re Pregnant When…

As I approach the 3rd trimester, I have found myself saying and doing things that I only do when pregnant. After traveling 15 hours in the car the other day on our way home from New Jersey (we visited my brother in law), I waddled around all day today in pain until I saw my myofascial release therapist this evening, where I said even more things that were triggered by my impending size and limited motor skills as of late. So, I give you:

You Know You’re Pregnant When…

  • your life has become a dangerous game of, “how many more times can I go back to sleep without my bladder exploding?”
  • getting in and out of bed or your car often requires some form of ‘warming up’ to gain momentum
  • you make some kind of noise when trying to get up off of the floor
  • your shoes and bras stop fitting
  • the bottom of your tummy sneaks out from beneath your tank top as you walk, and you don’t even notice
  • you feel like Baymax wherever you go

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  • shorts that are a bit snug and sit low give you Braxton Hicks contractions
  • having to pee (even a little bit) gives you Braxton Hicks contractions
  • sitting too long, standing too long, and walking too much gives you Braxton Hicks contractions
  • you now have a built in snack tray

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  • you’re afraid to sneeze in public
  • you have to question if you’ve peed yourself a little by accident or if that’s just the cascades of sweat you suddenly produce out of nowhere
  • if you recline too much at night, you not only feel like you’re suffocating from acid reflux and heartburn and the crushing weight of the baby on your lungs and other organs, but your breasts are also trying to smother you in your sleep
  •  you build yourself a nest of pillows nightly in an attempt to get comfortable
  • you’re ready for a nap by 2pm and bed by 6pm but your insomnia keeps you up until midnight
  • compression stockings become part of your wardrobe- yes, sometimes even with flip flops

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  • you know what time of day it is based on the severity of your hot flashes
  • your nose and or belly button no longer look like your own
  • you break wind unexpectedly and mostly apologetically
  • you forget to wear your compression stockings and your extremities turn into Fred Flinstone’s feet

cankles week 37

  • you drink Gatorade like it’s your job
  • you buy every box of Koala cookies in the Target Dollar Spot on a whim (okay, maybe this one is just me…)
  • you eat like a Hobbit

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  • grocery shopping is beyond exhausting, so you’ve discovered the beauty of Click List
  • you say things like, “Do you think the pedicurist would mind if I ate my sandwich while she works on my feet?”
  • you’ve seriously considered learning how to catheterize yourself so you can sleep through the night
  • you have seen and used restrooms you would have declined even being paid to use in the past
  • you’ve seriously considered purchasing a Go-Girl to make long car trips shorter
  •  you have the urge to give the Hunger Games salute to fellow pregnant women
  • you rock a bikini at the beach because you finally feel like it’s okay to have your belly showing

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  • people say things like “Oh!” when you tell them you’re not due for a few more months…
  • you cry because you’re uncomfortable, then you cry because you feel ungrateful, then you cry because you are grateful, and you finish out by crying because your spouse doesn’t understand why you’re crying in the first place
  • you’re so excited for it to be happening yet so excited for it to be over yet so anxious/scared/elated for what comes next…

What would you add? Comment below and I’ll share my favorites on our Instagram and Facebook page! 🙂

Happy gestating, mommas!

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4 thoughts on “You Know You’re Pregnant When…

  1. You can’t pick up something when sitting down, and ask your husband for help and he doesn’t understand its physically impossible for you to get it yourself.

    You forget to take your acid reflux medicine before bed and wake up choking in the middle of the night on stomach acid, and your husband just instinctively pats you on the back.

    You pray every morning your maternity clothes will still fit for work, when your near the end of your third trimester!

    When your husband is sad because you won’t cuddle him in bed…because you’re cuddling the maternity body pillow instead!

    Like

    1. Hahah YES! I’m constantly like, “Can you get that for me?” And he’s like, “What, the thing two feet in front of you?” “YES THE THING TWO FEET IN FRONT OF ME. YOUR CHILD IS IN THE WAY.” haha! Also, my Snoogle gets way more snuggle action at night too hahaha!

      Like

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